Amal, this was so beautiful. it was like reading the story of a younger me. "Your heart will stay—I know you are afraid you will lose it. But it will stay. You will just learn to hold it, steady. You will remember: it is yours. In all its glory. In all its brokenness. And you will realize, the human-shaped emptiness was the exact build of your body." can confirm :,) although still waiting for wholeness to replace the void. thank you for sharing <3
What a lovely, lovely comment to receive. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and leave this here for me. Wholeness takes times! I’m hoping we both reach a point of fulfillment, and soon. Thank you again and much love to you <3
Ive been struggling with this a lot recently and reading this piece really helped me process a lot of my own people pleasing. I find that I’ll revert to my worst people pleasing habits when I feel unsafe, no matter how much I trust the person im with. And its manipulative honestly, which is something that is so hard to grapple with but a cold truth that sometimes helps me reframe my habits. No one wants to be a manipulator.
Without necessarily disagreeing with anything you say here, from causation to solution, I think I might see it a little differently. I hope you don't mind my offering my point of view?
I would guess that the need to fawn, and the hole in yourself you felt, probably came from not feeling unconditionally loved by someone supremely important. I doubt that can be eradicated completely and therefore would think that need is going to come back periodically. Thus I think the solution is find a way to love that part of yourself. There are things about it that haven't worked out the greatest for you, but I suspect that that part of yourself is integral to pretty much everything you do care about. It's probably why it's impossible for anyone to read what you write without coming to love you.
Tears in my eyes.
Holyyyyy i felt this so deeply
Thank you so much for reading <3
Amal, this was so beautiful. it was like reading the story of a younger me. "Your heart will stay—I know you are afraid you will lose it. But it will stay. You will just learn to hold it, steady. You will remember: it is yours. In all its glory. In all its brokenness. And you will realize, the human-shaped emptiness was the exact build of your body." can confirm :,) although still waiting for wholeness to replace the void. thank you for sharing <3
What a lovely, lovely comment to receive. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and leave this here for me. Wholeness takes times! I’m hoping we both reach a point of fulfillment, and soon. Thank you again and much love to you <3
Ive been struggling with this a lot recently and reading this piece really helped me process a lot of my own people pleasing. I find that I’ll revert to my worst people pleasing habits when I feel unsafe, no matter how much I trust the person im with. And its manipulative honestly, which is something that is so hard to grapple with but a cold truth that sometimes helps me reframe my habits. No one wants to be a manipulator.
Without necessarily disagreeing with anything you say here, from causation to solution, I think I might see it a little differently. I hope you don't mind my offering my point of view?
I would guess that the need to fawn, and the hole in yourself you felt, probably came from not feeling unconditionally loved by someone supremely important. I doubt that can be eradicated completely and therefore would think that need is going to come back periodically. Thus I think the solution is find a way to love that part of yourself. There are things about it that haven't worked out the greatest for you, but I suspect that that part of yourself is integral to pretty much everything you do care about. It's probably why it's impossible for anyone to read what you write without coming to love you.