Sending you love and tenderness. I have many thoughts swarming....i dont know what im meant to share. I understand and it makes sense. I think the hardest thing i had to learn and accept was i cant heal without others and others cant help me heal if i dont let them in. Also i cant control my way to intimacy. I anxious plotted all possible routes out of my hole and the only one possible was being thrown a rope and the alternative was spending my life and time, the precious thing we cannot recreate, spiraling and not allowing myself to experience care.
A label for where you are doesnt matter. Matters more you know where you are. Little by little and non linear, i hope you give yourself and the opportunity to practice letting go. Just practice it. 🩵
"I can't control my way to intimacy" is a profound sentence, and almost exactly what I was trying to get at while writing this piece. Thank you very much for reading, and sharing your thoughts with me.
Labeling is my talent, but I will take your advice and work on letting go. Much love to you <3
Painfully beautiful piece. I can’t even articulate how it made me feel… will it be enough to say “seen”? Not sure but thank you for putting our feelings into words and sharing them. May those words be a start point for healing ❤️
All words are a starting point for healing, so I deeply hope letting my thoughts out helps me reach that point. Thank you for reading, it means so much that you resonated. Sending you so much love ❤️
Amal, I don't think it's good listening to minimize or deflect what another person says; I hear your suffering and hope you will feel better soon. I'm sure some of it is internal and personal if that's the way you feel. But that said, I'll remind you of two memes going around - the one that says it's no sign of health to be happy in an insane or unjust world, and the one that has a doctor saying, "Your problem is that you're paying attention to what's happening." Whatever else is going on with you, those two memes must surely apply to you. A lot of what you're feeling is legitimate, fully justified in every normative sense, grief.
"It's no sign of health to be happy in an insane or unjust world" will continue to echo through my mind in the coming days. Your comment helped light a little bulb in my mind, so thank you for taking the time to write it down, in many ways, you are right, but I am hoping for happier, easier days. Your words have been much needed. I appreciate you so much, Jack. Thank you for being here with me <3
Amal, your works always haunt me and stand out with so much substance and love. It was like I felt your words banging around in my own chest and you've set them free.
This piece reminded me so much of this post that went something like "people-pleasing is robbing people of the chabce to get to know who you truly are" and i worry all the time that i am a people pleaser, but more depressingly, that my true self is bitter and vindicative. nevertheless, i understand so much the importance of trying to leave something for myself. the thought of what i might lose always lingers in the back of my mind though, and your piece sufficiently summed up the background anxiety i feel over trying to control the world.
simultaneously, i feel tired of trying to shrink my feelings to fit the rest of the world. this comment in itself is turning into an essay, but your words seem to bring that out in me. thank you for this lovely piece!
Liv, thank you so much for reading and leaving this lovely comment! Do write that essay, I was following your words with so much intent :)
I feel the same as you described, and I do think people-pleasing robs so many people of that unadulterated experience of getting to know someone. I get so wound up in trying to understand others, I think I've forgotten that life is a process of only understanding yourself.
Wow man. Not cool of you to read my soul and then telling everybody without my permission :((.
(jokes aside this is such an incredible piece. whenever I read anything you write I always feel so incredibly seen, you're genuinely my favourite writer alive and if you were to publish anything I would read it immediately)
Oh my gosh. I read this comment in full after replying to the one on my most recent piece. I think I might frame this. Thank you so so much <3 I am so grateful to have you here along with me <3
its really hard for my ownself too as im aware that im such a people pleasers. its just that somehow its gotten eat me alive with the guilty feeling when someone i hold so dearly changed behaving towards me and out of sudden took me for granted, put the blame for some type issues on me and leaving me behind alone, confusing with situational in where i dont know where i took step the wrong path that makin them act like that but in the end, cause im such a people pleasers i took all the blame on me. and that somehow leadin up to my depression. its hurting me so much.
Hi hun, I know exactly how you feel. I am always hyper-aware of those I love’s feelings - but it’s such a bad habit. Sending you love, remember to be so kind with yourself and patient with this life.
People call me an empath, but in reality I am but a storyteller, dreaming up stories about them and hoping it’s truth. Hoping they like me. Hoping they can manage me. Hoping I’m not too much or too little, but a perfect balance in-between. Mild. Lukewarm.
I love this part of the text! I can relate to it. May we find our middle!
Amal, you gave words and voice to a lot of my own thoughts and feelings and I'm so so glad that this piece found its way to me right when I needed it. Sending you so much love!!! I 💕💕💕
Hi love, thank you so much for being here, I am so glad we’ve found each other through the hugeness of the internet :’) It means a lot to me that I’m not alone in this feeling. So much love to you <3
This was such a beautiful piece, Amal, lots of moments where I just paused because you put my feelings into words. I'm finding myself feeling a lot of these things with my current friendships and it's frustrating to feel like I can't say anything or can't verbalize anything...hope we all feel better <3 sending love
This was beautiful and sincere. As someone that's had bouts of depression and is a self-diagnosed people-pleaser, I felt this piece in my core. Thank you for sharing <3
I’ve never felt so understood. Reading your writing felt like a part of me that had been stuck for years finally started to breathe. I felt less alone. More accepting of myself. You put into words the dull ache I feel in my shoulders every day and the thoughts that race through my brain but can’t compute into language. Thank you for articulating it so beautifully :)
deep, deep resonance. thank you for your raw vulnerability—it echoed mine, the kind i could never put into words. i hope this year brings you places that feel cozy and warm, and relationships where control has no place because they're overflowing with love and truth.
Ah yes. My past and present.
Sending you love and tenderness. I have many thoughts swarming....i dont know what im meant to share. I understand and it makes sense. I think the hardest thing i had to learn and accept was i cant heal without others and others cant help me heal if i dont let them in. Also i cant control my way to intimacy. I anxious plotted all possible routes out of my hole and the only one possible was being thrown a rope and the alternative was spending my life and time, the precious thing we cannot recreate, spiraling and not allowing myself to experience care.
A label for where you are doesnt matter. Matters more you know where you are. Little by little and non linear, i hope you give yourself and the opportunity to practice letting go. Just practice it. 🩵
"I can't control my way to intimacy" is a profound sentence, and almost exactly what I was trying to get at while writing this piece. Thank you very much for reading, and sharing your thoughts with me.
Labeling is my talent, but I will take your advice and work on letting go. Much love to you <3
Painfully beautiful piece. I can’t even articulate how it made me feel… will it be enough to say “seen”? Not sure but thank you for putting our feelings into words and sharing them. May those words be a start point for healing ❤️
All words are a starting point for healing, so I deeply hope letting my thoughts out helps me reach that point. Thank you for reading, it means so much that you resonated. Sending you so much love ❤️
My love to you aswell ❤️
Amal, I don't think it's good listening to minimize or deflect what another person says; I hear your suffering and hope you will feel better soon. I'm sure some of it is internal and personal if that's the way you feel. But that said, I'll remind you of two memes going around - the one that says it's no sign of health to be happy in an insane or unjust world, and the one that has a doctor saying, "Your problem is that you're paying attention to what's happening." Whatever else is going on with you, those two memes must surely apply to you. A lot of what you're feeling is legitimate, fully justified in every normative sense, grief.
And you're an amazing person.
"It's no sign of health to be happy in an insane or unjust world" will continue to echo through my mind in the coming days. Your comment helped light a little bulb in my mind, so thank you for taking the time to write it down, in many ways, you are right, but I am hoping for happier, easier days. Your words have been much needed. I appreciate you so much, Jack. Thank you for being here with me <3
Amal, your works always haunt me and stand out with so much substance and love. It was like I felt your words banging around in my own chest and you've set them free.
This piece reminded me so much of this post that went something like "people-pleasing is robbing people of the chabce to get to know who you truly are" and i worry all the time that i am a people pleaser, but more depressingly, that my true self is bitter and vindicative. nevertheless, i understand so much the importance of trying to leave something for myself. the thought of what i might lose always lingers in the back of my mind though, and your piece sufficiently summed up the background anxiety i feel over trying to control the world.
simultaneously, i feel tired of trying to shrink my feelings to fit the rest of the world. this comment in itself is turning into an essay, but your words seem to bring that out in me. thank you for this lovely piece!
Liv, thank you so much for reading and leaving this lovely comment! Do write that essay, I was following your words with so much intent :)
I feel the same as you described, and I do think people-pleasing robs so many people of that unadulterated experience of getting to know someone. I get so wound up in trying to understand others, I think I've forgotten that life is a process of only understanding yourself.
Wow man. Not cool of you to read my soul and then telling everybody without my permission :((.
(jokes aside this is such an incredible piece. whenever I read anything you write I always feel so incredibly seen, you're genuinely my favourite writer alive and if you were to publish anything I would read it immediately)
Oh my gosh. I read this comment in full after replying to the one on my most recent piece. I think I might frame this. Thank you so so much <3 I am so grateful to have you here along with me <3
❣️
“because I didn’t even trust them enough to flag if something had hurt them.” THIS.
Thank you for readning <3333
its really hard for my ownself too as im aware that im such a people pleasers. its just that somehow its gotten eat me alive with the guilty feeling when someone i hold so dearly changed behaving towards me and out of sudden took me for granted, put the blame for some type issues on me and leaving me behind alone, confusing with situational in where i dont know where i took step the wrong path that makin them act like that but in the end, cause im such a people pleasers i took all the blame on me. and that somehow leadin up to my depression. its hurting me so much.
Hi hun, I know exactly how you feel. I am always hyper-aware of those I love’s feelings - but it’s such a bad habit. Sending you love, remember to be so kind with yourself and patient with this life.
i love you. always. your words help me out in this condition.
I love you. And I wish you nothing but the best. We’re in this together <3
People call me an empath, but in reality I am but a storyteller, dreaming up stories about them and hoping it’s truth. Hoping they like me. Hoping they can manage me. Hoping I’m not too much or too little, but a perfect balance in-between. Mild. Lukewarm.
I love this part of the text! I can relate to it. May we find our middle!
Thank you for reading! <3 I appreciate your words
Amal, you gave words and voice to a lot of my own thoughts and feelings and I'm so so glad that this piece found its way to me right when I needed it. Sending you so much love!!! I 💕💕💕
Hi love, thank you so much for being here, I am so glad we’ve found each other through the hugeness of the internet :’) It means a lot to me that I’m not alone in this feeling. So much love to you <3
This was such a beautiful piece, Amal, lots of moments where I just paused because you put my feelings into words. I'm finding myself feeling a lot of these things with my current friendships and it's frustrating to feel like I can't say anything or can't verbalize anything...hope we all feel better <3 sending love
I feel the exact same and feel similar frustrations - I'm so glad the universe brought us together. Sending you love right back! <3
🥹🫶
This was beautiful and sincere. As someone that's had bouts of depression and is a self-diagnosed people-pleaser, I felt this piece in my core. Thank you for sharing <3
Thank you so much for reading. Sending you infinite amounts of love <3
this is exactly what i went through with my friends when i was teenager. you articulated this soooo well, may we all heal ♥️
Thank you for reading! Sending you love and healing <3
<333
I’ve never felt so understood. Reading your writing felt like a part of me that had been stuck for years finally started to breathe. I felt less alone. More accepting of myself. You put into words the dull ache I feel in my shoulders every day and the thoughts that race through my brain but can’t compute into language. Thank you for articulating it so beautifully :)
deep, deep resonance. thank you for your raw vulnerability—it echoed mine, the kind i could never put into words. i hope this year brings you places that feel cozy and warm, and relationships where control has no place because they're overflowing with love and truth.
Amal, I love your voice in this. We all need to sign into control freak rehab.